The Phrases given by A Parent Which Rescued Us as a New Parent

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the demands of fatherhood.

However the reality quickly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following eleven months he burnt out. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The straightforward phrases "You aren't in a good spot. You require some help. What can I do to support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is far from unique, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to talking about the strain on mothers and about postpartum depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles dads face.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan feels his challenges are part of a larger inability to communicate amongst men, who still internalise damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a display of failure to request help. I failed to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be asking for help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to request a respite - going on a couple of days away, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He understood he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives fatherhood.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of feelings and make sense of his decisions as a father.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in alcohol and substances as escapism from the pain.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, speak to a friend, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Don't ignore the body - nutritious food, physical activity and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mental state is faring.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their stories, the difficult parts, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions in a healthy way.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men since they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… sitting with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, at times I feel like my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are on this path."